Lyrics to
THE REAL DICK CHENEY
(Based on hip-hop song “The Real Slim Shady” by Eminem. Rapped
over the music of hip-hop song the “The Real Slim Shady” by Eminem)
(Lyrics by Mark Silverman. Email mark@therealdickcheney.com)
Intro
May I have your attention please
Will the Real Dick Cheney please stand up
I repeat, will the Real Dick Cheney please stand up
(Dick Cheney voice) “uh, er, are we gonna have a, uh, er, problem here”
Verse 1
Y’all act like you never seen a Republican before
jaws all on the floor like Osama himself just burst in the door
And kicked America’s ass even worse than before
That’s OK, gives me an excuse to go to war
Hmmm, who do I bomb today?
Iran, North Korea, maybe…Uruguay?
“Wait, he just say ‘gay’ – that’s a sin right?”
Well yeah if my base gets its way
Except with my daughter – then it’s OK
Yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But it no worse than what Rummy do in the Abu Ghraib torture room
Workin’ people all love me
“(turntable voice) chi-ca-chi-ca-chi-ca
Dick Cheney
Look at him, we need him in his
Undisclosed location yeah the man is our salvation
Plus the big Dick give me vibration”
Yeah, I’ll throw a missile your way and put my
Big Dick Cheney on display
See y’all are suckers
I send your kids to fight and die in war so I can get rich while you stay poor
Yeah I skipped ‘nam, keep my ass alive
I got deferments countin’ one two three four five
And you know all I’m taken from Halliburton’s got you hurtin’
Cause its comin’ out of your pocket and into my wad
I don’t give a damn if you got a job or a
home or a family or a son or a daughter
I certainly don’t care if you got clean water
And my voting machines – they’re made to order!
So if you feel like I feel and wanna rig the vote
C’mon all you corporate hos, sing the chorus and it goes
Chorus
I’m Dick Cheney yes
I’m the real Cheney
All you other Dick Cheney’s are just imitatin’
So won’t the real Dick Cheney please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up
I’m Dick Cheney yes
I’m the real Cheney
All you other Dick Cheney’s are just imitatin’
So won’t the real Dick Cheney please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up
Verse 2
(mocking) “John Kerry don’t gotta lie to run a campaign”
Well, I do! So Swift Boat Him and Swift Boat You!
You think I give a fuck about your job security?
Half a y’all are gonna vote for me anyway no matter what ya get paid.
Look, I got this magic trick called distraction
I’m like “Look over there, Saddam Hussein!”
Meanwhile, let Osama get away
So he come back attack another day
And you say, “Dick we need you, Stay!”
And I say, “Well, if you feel that way…”
And you say, “Take away our civil liberties!”
And I say, “you forgot to say please”
And that includes you 9/11 families who keep bitchin’ bout unread PDBs
Yeah, I’m sick of all y’all dissent groups and you protest groups
I’m a get Ashcroft to arrest you!
See, this whole cabal of us
Lie like me, cheat like me, steal like me, just don’t give a
Damn like me, laugh like me all the way to the bank like me
It just might be the greatest thing, my war machine!Chorus
Verse 3
Look – I’m a give you a chance to follow the money again:
It goes from me to Halliburton to me to Halliburton to me to Halliburton to
Halliburton to Bechtel
Bechtel to Mobil to Mobil to Shell
Yeah it’s like a Shell game
Ask Valerie Plame
Yeah, I leaked her name!
Joe Wilson try and ‘xpose my lies –
Mess with the Bush crew,
We mess with your fuckin wife’s life, Ike!
Now what’s all this talk about
Economic recession, Iraq all a mess and
Illegal detentions
I just keep screamin’ “9/11, 9/11, 9/11!!”
‘till you’re so scared you just hand us the election [alternate: you let us cancel the election]
Damn! All this power gives me a huge (pause)
And meanwhile around you the terrorist alertin’ are blurtin’ and you
Don’t know what the color means the more you’re scared the more you scream
The more you make my pockets green the more you feed my war machine
So will the real Cheney please stand up?
And put one finger on each hand up?
And if you’re proud to be out of your mind out of control
Wanna bomb the world, one more time, how does it go?
Chorus (2x)
Closing (talking)
Yeah, I think there’s a little Dick
Cheney in the whole Bush
Posse
Don’t even think of speakin’ up!
Peace. No, no, I mean – Warrrr.
But seriously... the real dope
© Mark Silverman 2004
contact: mark@therealdickcheney.com